


Unbroken

by Dabberdees



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, Asexual!Graham, Biromantic Graham, Bisexual Character, Bisexual!Yaz, Chapter two is very gay and Yaz is hopeless, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, That will have a angst with fluffy ending, The Eighties sucked and the only good things that came out of them were ABBA and Queen, There are hints and mentions without outright saying them in chapter two to homophobia, There aren't many solo Yaz and Graham fics, Will have another chapter, Yaz and Graham bond over being hopeless at love, reference to Izzy Flint and slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2019-11-05 17:06:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17922881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dabberdees/pseuds/Dabberdees
Summary: Yaz knows something is up with Graham when he didn't want to travel with them on this day. She goes to support her friend but finds out some hidden truths about the man she sorta considers a grandad as well.Now updated with chapter two.





	1. Chapter 1

They came to Laterus V Space Station to experience the theme park, and they all would be if it weren’t for the fact that one of the members of their little Fam is missing. Yaz starts trailing behind the Doctor and Ryan, her mind drifting back to Graham and how troubled he looked when they set off. She’s trying to be happy, but she can’t quite bring herself to when she knows he isn’t. The Doctor and Ryan stop walking and turn round to face her again when they realise she isn’t following them.

“Maybe we should go and speak to him,” said Yaz, looking back towards the exit. “Because we all know something is bothering him.”

The Doctor nods, already starting to turn in the direction while Ryan gives a slight shake of his head. “He ain’t gonna tell the three of us together...” explained Ryan, gesturing between the three of them. “...and we all know if I go by myself, he’ll just fob me off, saying he’s fine when he isn’t.”

The Doctor raises her hand. “I’ll go, you two should carry on inside, there’s a great ride to go on, well… you should probably check if it’s safe for humans first, better yet, check if all the rides are safe for you.” said the Doctor, her face scrunching in thought. “And I’ve been on all the rides, but humans are different to me, you’re squishier.” She looks back at their faces. “But other than that it’s safe, you two should go and enjoy yourself while I go and talk to Graham.”

“Actually, Doctor,” said Yaz, as Ryan and the Doctor look back at her. “I think I might go, rides are fun and all, but I know they’re more yours and Ryan sort of thing and you know which ones are safe for humans.” She starts to turn towards the exit but stops when the Doctor reaches for her arm, setting the butterflies in her stomach off.

“Are you sure, Yaz? Because I really don’t mind going...” asked the Doctor as Yaz looks into her eyes.

“I’m positive Doctor.” smiled Yaz, a warm feeling raising to her face. She glances up at Ryan and sees that he has a massive grin on his face. Damn, she really isn’t subtle, is she? She flicks her eyes back to the Doctor, her own arm reaching out to her and letting her know that she is serious. “Seriously, go and show Ryan the best rides. I’ll be on Graham duty.”

The Doctor gives her one final look and a nod before grabbing Ryan’s arm and dragging him back inside. Yaz can see him mouthing something that she can’t quite make out before laughing and disappearing into the crowd with the Doctor. She turns away and heads back to Graham’s last known location.

It doesn’t take long for her to find Graham, he’s not moved much further from the TARDIS, and she watches him from a distance as he looks over the artificial lake, his body language telling her all she needs to know. She quickly heads over to a concession stand, buying two human-friendly drinks with the credits the Doctor gave her earlier and starts making her way over to her older friend, coming to a stand-still just behind him. “Penny for your thoughts, Graham? I brought you a drink.” She holds the drink out for him to take as she takes a sip of her own. She’s pleasantly surprised at the flavour.

Graham turns his head from the lake to look at her, one hand still tracing patterns on the railing. He gives her a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes as it usually does. “Hey, Yaz.” He spots her holding out the cup. “Are you sure it’s safe for humans?” She gives him a nod, as she drinks it again, answering his question with an action. He leans away from the railing to take it from her, giving her a nod of thanks.

She comes to stand next to him fully now. “It tastes similar to a hot chocolate.”

He raises an eyebrow at her and takes a cautious sip himself, savouring the flavour. “Got a slight hint of lemonade to it as well, not a hundred per cent sure it’s for me though, nothing can beat a regular cup of Yorkshire Tea,” responded Graham, turning slowly back to the lake and sighing. “I’m probably not the best company at the moment, Yaz.”

“That’s why I’m here, Graham.” She watches as he drinks, but he doesn’t reply. “We all didn’t think it was fair to be having fun when something is on your mind and before you tell me to go back and enjoy myself, this is something I want to do.” She glances to his face and sees the sadness all across it. “What is up?”

Graham releases a deep breath as he stares across the lake, the thumb on his left hand tracing another pattern across the cup he’s holding. “It’s been a year Yaz,” said Graham, his voice barely audible to her ears. “Well, not technically, really it’s only been a few months in linear time, but we’ve been travelling with the Doc for a year now. Three Hundred and Sixty-Five days gone, and I still miss her .”

Her mind catches up to her quickly, a year since they started travelling, meaning a year since Grace died. “Oh, Graham. I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise,” said Yaz, placing a hand on his arm.

She feels him sag in tiredness, he looks down from the horizon, staring into the cup. “You wouldn’t, nor would Ryan.” He pauses for a moment. “And that’s not a bad thing, but I’ve been counting the days since she left me and each day I miss her more and more because she would’ve loved this Yaz.” He uses his free hand to gesture around them. “Absolutely loved it.”

Yaz doesn’t respond at first, but she sees the unshed tears in his eyes. “Yeah, she would’ve wouldn’t she.”

They stay in silence for a moment, just drinking their drinks and remembering Grace. He draws her from her thoughts again, his voice is far away and full of melancholy. “She was my rock.” Yaz leans down on the railing next to him as he explains. “I was so lost without her, you know, she was the first person I guess I could say I loved?” said Graham, his voice making the statement sound like a question to her. “I was confused at first, but it’s the best way I can describe it, I guess.”

Yaz face turns to one of confusion. “What do you mean, Graham, have you not loved anyone before her?”

Graham turns around this time, leaning his back and elbows against the railing now. “No, not really. There were people, but it never worked out, they wanted more than I could give.” He stares ahead again. “I thought that if I just tried, if I just forced myself, maybe I would grow to..” He stops, frowning before looking at her. “I’m sorry, Yaz, I don’t really want to talk about it, and you probably don’t want to hear it.”

“Graham, I care about you as much as Ryan does and you’ve been there for me, and I’m here for you now. You can talk to me,” said Yaz earnestly.

He runs a hand down his face, and she knows he’s considering what she said. “I’m not really like you or Ryan,” said Graham, frowning. She doesn’t push him, she allows him to take his time to figure out how to word what he needs to say. “Yaz, humour me for a second,” asked Graham; suddenly, she gives him a quizzical look. “Can you describe what love for someone feels like?”

She’s taken aback for a moment, not expecting a question like that at all. So it takes her a while to formulate a response. “Love, Graham. It’s a strong feeling, the person in question that you love, I guess, they would cause you to feel nervous. Then there are the butterflies that happen when they speak to you or when they take your hand. The lingering stares that you give them, wondering if they feel the same back.” She trails off as her mind drifts to the Doctor, the butterflies from earlier coming strongly now, she blushes and looks up at Graham, seeing a smirk on his tired face, and she knows he knows who she’s thinking about. “Shut up, Graham.” She lightly pushes him in the shoulder.

“I didn’t say anything,” replied Graham, raising his hands in mock surrender.

She looks out over the lake before carrying on with her thought process. “It’s a strong word, Graham, and it’s hard to define, but that’s what I feel when I care about someone.” She focuses on him now, wanting to know why he asked what it meant. “Why?”

He shrugs. “Never felt it before, only felt it when I met Grace or at least, that’s the best way I can describe it,” replied Graham, the sad look on his face coming back at the mention of her name. “You know for years I thought that maybe, maybe I was _broken_ .” Yaz goes to open her mouth, but he stops her with a shake of his head. “No, Yaz, let me finish. I’m nearly 60, and I’ve been around the block, had previous relationships, but they all failed for the same reason. I couldn’t commit to them. Whenever they wanted more, I just closed in on myself or forced myself, and that was the worst.” He runs a hand through his hair but doesn’t look at her. “I thought that maybe if I tried, that I would eventually like it, but it never really happened.” He focuses on her this time, and she sees him clenching a fist, an uncertainty to his face. “What I’m about to tell you, Yaz, it just stays between us, right?” asked Graham, his voice serious. “Cause apart from Grace, no one else I know knows.”

She knows he means that he hasn’t told Ryan and that whatever it is, it’s tough for him to even consider telling his grandson let alone her. “Of course Graham, I won’t say a word to anyone,” replied Yaz, her voice matching his tone while giving him the reassurance that he needs.

He takes another deep breath, refusing to look at her, and a good minute goes past before he opens his mouth again. “At first, after having a few relationships fail with different women, I thought that maybe the problem was that..” He brings a hand to his face and takes a few deep breaths.

“Graham, you don’t have to tell me if it’s difficult, and I can tell it is.”

He removes the hand from his face and looks back at her. “I got this far now Yaz, I can’t really stop, it’s just hard, give me a moment.” She watches as he closes his eyes, tapping an unrecognisable pattern against the cup before looking back up again. “I’m good to go now.”

“Okay, but take your time, I’m not going to push you.”

He inclines his head and gazes back out across the lake again. “After loads of failures with all sorts of women, I thought, that maybe the reason they all failed was that I was gay and just didn’t know it. I mean, it was possible, right? What man had every single relationship with a woman stop or fail at the same hurdle if he wasn’t? So I put myself out there, didn’t tell my parents until I took a bloke home. Probably could’ve told them in a better way but they got over that in the end. He was the longest relationship I had, I liked him more than the others, cause he was patient with me.”

He focuses on her, and she knows he’s trying to gauge her reaction, but she can’t help but widen her eyes at that in shock. He proceeds onwards “Not many people know that about me Yaz and the ones that do aren’t around anymore.” She knows he’s talking about Grace and his parents, not around anymore, meaning they’re dead. “Well, that’s a lie, you know now,” said Graham, giving her a very brief smile.

She returns the gesture before opening her mouth. “So what happened then? After that, you married Grace so you couldn’t have been…”

He interrupts. “Yeah, I figured out that wasn’t it, but I was close to believing that I was gay but then came the same hurdle again and it was like a slap to the face, finally thought I figured myself out only for it to all come crashing back down again. Ended it with him and moved away, escaping. Probably a really awful thing to do leave him with no explanation but I took the cowards root.” His free hand moves to the railing as he clings to it, sighing. “After an ever growing list of failures with all sorts of people after him, men and women. I just gave up, decided that I was _broken_ and that I wouldn’t find anyone.” He smiles again. “But then Yaz, for the first time I finally found someone who never pushed, she just, understood me. Said that ‘She’s doesn’t need that no more and that she just wants to be with me .’ when I voiced my concerns to her, explained that I had issues committing fully like everyone else wanted.” He trails off as he stares ahead again. “And that’s why I’m lost without her, I finally found someone that didn’t push me, and I don’t have her anymore, I spent my whole life looking for her, and she’s dead, and I’m back to square one, of course, I have Ryan, you, and the Doc, but I’ve lost my rock.”

He turns away again as she processes everything he just told her. She never suspected, never even thought that he was anything other than a straight, white male but her mind doesn’t stay on that fact, it lingers on the harsh word that he called himself at the beginning. “You thought you were _broken_?”

He looks down, and she sees him release another deep breath. “I still do Yaz, I’m just not like you or anyone else. Never have been and never will be.” He clenches his hand around the cup he’s holding and stares at it. “Everyone else wanted more, and I could never give that to them.”

“When you say more, what do you mean?”

He doesn’t answer straight away again, as he runs his thumb in a circular motion across the cup. “I mean, more, Yaz. Stuff that everyone else does that I can’t or have issues with, just…. Can’t commit to it, it’s too much of a stress.” He looks up, a frustrated expression on his face. “ _Graham, you never know until you try it!_ Or ‘ _Graham, you’re just being selfish_.” explained Graham, years of pent up anger coming through now. “They never stopped, just kept pushing and the worst thing that anyone has ever said to me was ‘ _One night, and I’ll make you like it_.’ That was the quickest I ended something.”

She can see the anger on his face, and she’s shocked by how unnatural it looks as her heart breaks for him. So she stands there, shocked that he opened up about everything. She half expected him to divert the topic away from himself at the beginning. She knows he’s watching her, trying to figure out her reaction again but her mind drags up an old memory from school, someone she knew said something very similar once, and she wonders if Graham’s like they are but before she gets a chance to speak he’s already turned around. She snaps her eyes to him.

“I’m sorry Yaz, I unloaded years worth of baggage on you and that wasn’t fair, you’re twenty, and that was nearly 45 years of my crap,” said Graham, walking away. “I’ll meet you and the others later, told you I wouldn’t be good company.”

She follows after him. “Wait, Graham.”

He carries on forward, clearly determined to escape. She jogs after him, and he frowns at her. “I want to be alone at the moment.”

She reaches out to him, grabbing his arm and she can see him sigh in annoyance. “Just listen, please.” She lets go of his arm and breathes a sigh of relief when he doesn’t go to move again. “I had this friend in school.” He just stares at her. “Their name was Sam, and the only reason we got talking was because of Izzy Flint.” He’s told her stuff about himself, it’s her turn to tell him about her own troubles. “When she turned the whole class against me, she did it to them as well, just before me. I don’t know, maybe it was because we were both easy targets.”

Graham looks at her in irritation, but she can tell he’s trying to hide it. “Is this going somewhere, Yaz?”

She nods, continuing on. “Well, me and Sam spoke about a lot of stuff. Izzy targeted me because I’m Muslim, but she targeted Sam for different reasons, you see Sam was just Sam, but there was more to them.” She sticks her hands in her pockets and looks to see if Graham is listening. “You see Sam, they told me something about themselves that sounds exactly like you. They explained how they felt _broken_ , how they just never managed to have a connection to people like I do, they always wondered what was wrong with them, I didn’t know the word at the time so I couldn’t tell them, couldn’t help them, but I know it now, and I can tell you if you want.”

“What are you talking about Yaz?” asked Graham, a frown of confusion on his face. “Because you’ve lost me completely.”

“You’re not alone, Graham, there are thousands of people like you is what I’m saying.”

Graham shakes his head and brings a hand to his face as he paces. “How can there be people like me? I’ve never met anyone like myself.” He gestures harshly at himself, years of frustration coming through again. “I’m _broken_ Yaz, it’s just as simple as that, nothing’s gonna change it. Believe me, I’ve tried it all. I’m _broken_ , and that’s just me.”

“If you call yourself _broken_ one more time I will go and get the Doctor and Ryan. Then you’ll have to suffer through hours of them trying to get you to talk to them so shut up and listen you brilliant old man, cause you need to know that you’re not _broken_ ,” commanded Yaz, effectively shutting Graham up as he stares at her in shock. She takes a calming breath, not meaning to snap at him but sometimes if he has an idea in his head, it’s hard to get him to stop thinking it. She looks back up at him. “You’re asexual.”

“And what’s that when it’s at home?” snapped Graham, crossing his arms across his chest and looking sourly at her.

“Oh this would be easier if they just taught it in school,” grumbled Yaz but her face softens as she takes a step towards Graham. He watches as she pulls out her phone and she’s glad that the Doctor made it so it could connect to the internet across all of time and space. She searches for the term and holds out her phone for him to take, she sighs when he doesn’t. “Take it, that will explain it better than I ever could.”

Graham narrows his eyes at her and reluctantly takes her phone, annoyance still on his face. Yaz watches as he starts reading, his face changing from annoyance to puzzlement. He brings a hand to his mouth and reads for several minutes more before lowering the phone and looking at the floor, his shoulders dropping as the frustration and annoyance from earlier leaves. Yaz gives him a moment to process everything, it’s not easy spending your life wondering why you aren’t like other people. She thinks back to Sam and when they found the term and how they came running up to her to tell her. She was happy for them, and she wonders where they are now, she’ll have to look them up when she gets back to Sheffield, but that’s not important right now, Graham is, and he’s looking at her.

“All this time Yaz… all these years, I just thought... “He looks up at the clear roof of the space station, stars shining in the distance but she doesn’t look at that when she can see the raw emotion on his face. “I just thought I was bro….” Graham glances back down at her before making a disgruntled noise as he runs his hands across his head, her phone still in his hand. “This would’ve… made everything understandable if I knew.” He takes a deep breath, centring himself. “Not that I don’t appreciate knowing Yaz, but it’s a lot to take in.” He hands her phone back. “And I’m gonna need time to think it all over, but we will talk about it later, alright? Just alone, not with the Doc or Ryan, just us.”

“Yeah, just us, it’s not my place to tell them what we talked about. You can trust me, Graham.” He gives her a polite nod before turning and heading in the opposite direction, not giving her the chance to say anything else.

Yaz watches him go, not following this time, and she wonders if she did the right thing in telling him, of course, she couldn’t let him carry on calling himself _broken_ but… she sighs, turning around and heading off to find the Doctor and Ryan again. She knows neither of them will speak about this to them, and she knows he’ll just brush it under the rug for the time being, but she also knows that when he’s ready, he’ll come back to her and she’ll be there to listen to him like any good friend would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When the author writes their own experience in a fic. Two out of the three things said to Graham have been said to me IRL by 'well-meaning' people. Also the term Broken, it was something I called myself for years.
> 
> I wrote this because I noticed two things. In The Woman Who Fell To Earth, Grace was the one to initiate anything with Graham and even when she did he sorta didn't really react back and the second. In It Takes You Away he told her that he spent his whole life looking for her and that he's lost now which leads me to believe that he never really loved anyone like he did her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said I had part two done? Well I did but I deleted it and then forgot completely about this entire thing.

A few weeks after the Laterus V Space Station, Yaz, the Boys, and the Doctor are walking through the idyllic English countryside, in the year 1355. They’re on the hunt for some stolen alien devices, devices that really shouldn’t get into the hands of English common folk that were hidden on Earth. Or that’s what the Doctor told them when they headed off, but truthfully, Yaz has been finding it harder and harder to pay attention to what the Doctor is saying.

It’s hard when your thoughts mainly consisted of ‘gay panic’ every time the fantastic woman in question smiles at you or takes your hand and Graham, the observant annoyance that he is, has also spotted her gazing at the Doctor.

“Yaz?” asked a distant, cheerful voice trying to get her attention. A few more moments past until she hears it again. “Earth to Yaz!” This time directly in front of her, forcing her to slam on the breaks to her legs lest she crashes right into the sudden appearance of the Doctor. “You looked really out of it.” Stated the Doctor with a concerned expression. “Are you well?” she wondered aloud as she reaches a hand out to her and brushes it against her forehead with a worried frown. “You seem a little hotter than usual, we can head back if you’re sick Yaz. Us three can handle this, can’t we Lads?…” Her face takes a sudden disgusted look. “...oh, no… not Lads, never saying that again.”

Yaz doesn’t respond straight away, too caught up in the moment where the Doctor’s colder hand touched her, leaving tingles in its wake. She focuses herself and steadies her breathing. “I’m fine Doctor, just thinking about stuff.”

The Doctor looks interested and now starts to walk in step with Yaz, there is definitely a spring in it her brain adds unhelpfully. “Oh, what you thinkin ’bout?”

Yaz starts to look slightly panicked, you, her head screams to her. “Uh, stuff,” replied Yaz, stumbling over her words. “Just stuff.”

“Are you sure you’re alright, Yaz?”

She goes to open her mouth again, but another beats her to it. “Eh, she’s fine Doc, just give her some room and air cause it’s hot out, then she’ll be right as rain, won’t ya Yaz?” answered Graham for her.

She quickly shoots him an ever grateful look for saving her from this conversation.

“Hey Doc, a little bit confused here, probably my age n’all, but you say we had two things to look for right?” inquired Graham, drawing the attention of the Doctor again. Yaz sees him give her a very slight nod and she knows he knows what they’re doing here. She mouths a ‘thank you’, and he gives her a small smile.

The Doctor has skipped over to Graham and Ryan now. “Yup! Two devices.” She fishes out some unusual looking items from her pockets. “It’s not far to go now, and these will lead us to them, we’ll probably have to dig around a bit but as a wise man once said…”

Her faces turn into one of complete concentration as she roughly shoves the items into Graham’s chest to hold, he begrudgingly accepts with a roll of his eyes and a mutter about being a human coat rack under his breath.

“It should be in here somewhere.” added the Doctor, her hands digging around in her coat. A look of triumph appears on her face. “Aha! Got it,” she yelled, waving the item through the air.

Ryan looks up at it with puzzlement. “Is that a trowel?” Yaz focuses on Ryan now, trying to completely distract herself from the thoughts of the Doctor.

“Yup, brilliant man called Brian once said ‘What sort of man doesn’t carry a trowel?’” She quickly waves the trowel in Graham’s face. “Not that Brian, though, although he and the other Brian would probably get along quite well thinking about it.”

“Doc, how ’bout we get back onto the topic at hand,” added Graham, getting tired of holding onto her items and wanting the trowel removed from his face.

“Oh, right, yeah sorry.” said the Doctor with a scrunched face. “Well, we can use this to dig, I hope you have all brought your own towels.”

“Yeah, got mine right in my back pocket,” said Graham, sarcasm dripping from his voice that the Doctor doesn’t notice. Yaz watches as the Doctor beams at Graham, and her heart skips a beat, and she falls a little bit more in love with the alien woman and petty jealousy that it was aimed at Graham and not her, which is a ridiculous notion she tells her traitor of a brain.

“Good work, Graham! Hope you two are taking notes.” the Doctor said while using the trowel to point between Ryan and Yaz. “We should split up. Now seeing that Graham has the other trowel.” Graham stares at her with dead looking eyes, blinking slowly. “And I have the other, we will be team leads. Ryan and Graham, me and my best mate, Yaz!” Yaz freezes up quickly, and she knows Graham just spotted her panic.

“Oh, charming so we aren’t your best mates then?” joked Ryan, nudging Graham, who is carrying on staring at her, his face thoughtful. He doesn’t respond to Ryan’s joke.

The Doctor face turns horrified at the comment. “You’re all my mates!” Ryan grunts in response but flashes a smile at the Doctor to tell her that he knows that and he’s only messing with her.

Graham holds the items out to the Doctor. “You’ll be needing to set them up, right?” She nods, not replying as she accepts the weird things back from him. “Ryan mate, why don’t you give her a hand? You like all those computer thingys, don’t you.” Ryan frowns at Graham but follows his order and starts to help the Doctor.

Yaz sees Graham making his way over to her, hands in his pockets and she catches him glancing behind himself. “You alright love?” worried Graham. “Cause I might be useless at this stuff myself, but I’ve seen how you’ve looked at the Doc all day… well, how you’ve looked at her these past weeks.”

Yaz takes her eyes from the Doctor and looks at Graham. “It’s hard Graham, cause I don’t wanna ruin what we have by going that extra step with her,” said Yaz truthfully and honestly causing Graham to get a deer caught in the headlights look.

It takes him a few seconds to respond. “You were there for me a few weeks ago, and I said then that we’ll have that conversation, about what we talked about, right?” She gives him a nod. “Well, how ’bout we have that now? Get the groups changed cause I think I owe it to the person who taught me that I wasn’t broken and that I was, in some respects, a pretty normal guy.”

“In some respects?”

“Rude,” said Graham with a grin. “Well, you’re right, though, who gets the chance to do what we do?” answered Graham while gesturing around before turning back to her. “You up for it, love? No pressure if you don’t want to.”

She turns her eyes back to the Doctor, watching her explain everything to Ryan like a practised teacher or lecturer and she can’t help but wonder if she ever was at one point in her long life. She flicks her eyes back to Graham. “Alright, we’ll have that chat.”

“Great, now just let me split the groups cause I ain’t gonna ask you to do it.”

Yaz and Graham stand to the side, just waiting until the Doctor and Ryan finish with the items, both completely obvious to their conversation. The Doctor looks up at them and points at Graham. “I’ve let Ryan know how to use the device so he’ll be in charge of that, but yours is a decent walk in that direction.” To gestures to her right.

Yaz watches Graham step forward. “Actually, Doc, I was thinking that maybe we’ll shuffle the teams today.” Ryan and the Doctor look at him in puzzlement for thinking such a thing. “I thought that me and Yaz could go and get one n’you Ryan get the other. How ’bout it?”

The Doctor looks at Ryan and shrugs before focusing on Yaz. “You alright with that, Yaz?” And Yaz knows her eyes are staring right into her soul, trying to read her and worrying that something is genuinely wrong.

Yaz swallows dryly and nods. “It’s fine plus not had an adventure with Graham for a bit, it’s good to mix the teams up now and then.” rambled Yaz, looking in any other direction than the Doctor. “My supervisor back at the station says it is anyway, so we don’t get used to working with just the same people.”

“Alright then, change of plans. Team Doctor and Ryan, getting the one by the manor house. Team Graham and Yaz, getting the one a good walk away.” She pulls Graham over to her and rushes through the device, Yaz watches the lost expression on his face as he tries to nod his understanding. She does catch Ryan, giving her a curious look through narrowed eyes though.

The Doctor finishes her explanation and turns to head towards the manor house. “We meet back here in a few hours, alright? With or without the devices.” ordered the Doctor giving Graham and Yaz a wave before grabbing the still staring Ryan and taking off.

“Let’s go, we gotta head for the device anyway, and we can walk and talk as we do it,” said Graham, already turning and looking down at the device. “You know what, I think this is like a SatNav only without the “ _After two-hundred yards turn left’_ and ‘ _You have reached your destination’ feature,_ ” muttered Graham absentmindedly.

Yaz waits until they’re out of view and runs her hands through her hair before turning and jogging after Graham. “I’m useless, a bloody… useless bisexual.” ranted Yaz.

Graham gives her a side eye and then rolls them. “You ain’t useless Yaz, you’re just in love or something.” comforted Graham, looking out of his depth but at least wanting to try and understand what she’s feeling. “I’m guessing it’s a little bit different to what I felt with Grace…”

“It’s not totally different to that, Graham.” started Yaz, trailing off and not entirely wanting to explain specific ‘ _thoughts_ ’ to a bloke she sorta considers her granddad in a way. “She’s just so fantastic, amazing, and I’m just a girl from Sheffield.” She hears Graham sigh loudly.

“You’re not just a girl from Sheffield though Yaz, not to the Doc else she could’ve had anyone travelling with her. The fact that she chose you says something about you as a person.”

“But she also picked you and Ryan.”

Graham shrugs and carries on walking forward, only looking down to check that they’re going in the right direction. “True, but I know she has Ryan and me for different reasons, or we need her for different reasons.” He looks ever so briefly up at her before looking back at the device in his hands. “Why do you think she teams up with you all the time?”

“I don’t know…”

Graham glances up at her again. “You do, you’re just either blinding yourself to the fact, or it’s something else. I’m not exactly the paragon of love here Yaz so you’ll have to help me out.” Graham said in a tone that leads her to believe that he has a game plan.

Yaz gives him a pointed look and narrows her eyes. “You’re not using your identity against me, are you Graham? Cause that’s dirty.” she finishes, but the tone is light and joyful. “I didn’t help you, so you could do that.”

“Me? No, never,” smirked Graham, continuing to walk forward and clearly lying. “Look, she likes you Yaz, simple as that really, even this useless asexual can see it.”

“Gone from calling yourself broken to useless now?”

“Seems all the cool kids were doing it, thought I’d join in.”

Yaz sighs and faces ahead again. “How can you be sure that she likes me, Graham?”

He shrugs. “It’s the way her eyes sparkle when she explains the universe to you, of course, there’s the wonder when she tells Ryan and me, but with you, it’s someone else. Something special.” Graham said while looking down at the device. “I think we gotta move a bit to the left.”

For a man who says he doesn’t understand love, he sure does experience it in a way that’s solely unique to him, she thinks quickly. Perhaps he spots it a little differently because of who he is though, and that’s what makes it so unique. He takes note in the simplest of gestures. Nothing grand, just slight movements that he picks up on when others would see a different meaning to them.

“Izzy didn’t just target me because I’m Muslim Graham.” Yaz blurted out suddenly, making Graham stop and turn round to face her.

He has a perplexed look on his face. “What?”

“She’s part of the reason I can’t tell the Doctor how I feel,” Yaz added, making it slightly more transparent but still missing vital details. “I didn’t tell you everything last time.”

“You said that name before, back on the space station with your mate Sam. Said she turned the class against the two of you.” Yaz nods while holding left her arm with her right hand. “How?” His tone is that of a Grandfather who cares, one who if she were still at school she’d half expect him to march down there and demand to know who made her sad and what the school is gonna do about fixing it.

Yaz sighs and gestures for them to continue forward, they still need to obtain whatever it is that they’re after. “She was my friend, we were close, or so I thought.” She can tell that Graham is giving her the time to explain like she did with him and she’s grateful for that. “I had a stupid crush on a girl who played in the schools Netball team, and I told her about it.”

She hears Graham take in a breath. “What did she do?”

“Called me a dyke, and then told the entire class and school and eventually the girl,” Yaz answered honestly. “She outed me without care to my well being.” Yaz finished, tears in her eyes and she now turns to look at Graham, wanting to know what his expression is and finding only a frown and something akin to an understanding of what it’s like to be called something like that.

“You know, it was meant to be better in the future, but it ain’t is it? It’s still hard,” said Graham looking directly at her before sighing and giving her a one arm hug that she leans into to.

“What do you mean?”

She feels Graham shrug. “I lived through the Eighties Yaz.” His explanation sounds like something she should know. “We lost a generation of people, friends of mine, and they were all demonised for it.” He sighs and lowers his head to the floor. “I was as well by people I knew all my life.”

The use of we isn’t lost on her, and finally, her brain switches on to what he’s talking about. “Oh Graham, I’m so sorry, I never realised that you would’ve live through that-” She honestly didn’t, and even though she would love to ask questions, learn more about it she can’t, not at the moment anyway and she can tell it’s something he probably doesn’t want to talk about. “I’m so sorry.”

He waves her comment away. “You didn’t know, love, simple as that really and to be fair, you only just found out about the other part of me.” He lets go of her and looks down at the device, leaving a pause between them before staring back at her again. “You know, I was called something like that before, like what that horrendous girl called you.”

“What was it?”

“Doesn’t really bear repeating Yaz, but let’s just say it’s the slang word for cigarettes. You get what I’m meaning by that, right?”

She winces and knows what word he’s hinting at, and her heart hurts for him. “I’m so sorry, Graham.”

“It happened, repeatedly, but do you know what the worst thing about it was? It was my dad one time.”

“You dad said it?” She asked in horror.

Graham shakes his head and grimaces. “No, he didn’t. It was his mates who did, but he might’ve well have said it considering he just sat there and refused to look me in the eye while they were doing it, saying that it’ll be a better place when all those-.” Graham pauses again, and he doesn’t continue. “They didn’t know, of course, didn’t know that their friend had a son like that.” The anger is back in his voice again. “Strained our relationship and we never really made it back, couldn’t trust him cause he wasn’t there when I needed him, so I moved out. The first real time I ran away, actually.”

He sticks in his hand in his pocket, the other holding the device. “But Yaz, the Doc ain’t like Izzy or my dad, or his shitty friends though. She cares for you. That I can see cause she treats you different to Ryan and me, there’s more to her, more that she shows you and that’s fine, cause we’re all here for different reasons.” He stops again and looks at her. “Don’t leave it and wait for something to happen Yaz, my only advice to you, cause nine times out of ten it ain’t gonna happen.” He turns his head back to the horizon again. “We better get the device and head back, else they’ll be wondering where we got to.”

She watches him walk away, her thoughts swimming with the possibility of telling the Doctor. She knows she has to, but it’s daunting. Yaz looks at Graham’s back with narrowed eyes. “Will, you ever tell Ryan, Graham?”

She watches him stop, quickly and with his back straight. “One day Yaz, perhaps. I would have to find the right time” He starts walking forward again. “We’re here now, anyway.” Graham looks down at the floor and then back to the device. “Whatever it is, it’s buried.” He looks closely at the ground. “Soil is disturbed.”

Yaz jogs back up to him, with no intention of asking or pressing him about whether he should or shouldn’t tell Ryan, that’s his decision, and she won’t take that from him like Izzy took it from her. She’ll ask another time though and at a time when they don’t have a job to do. “How are you going to get it out? Because I very much doubt you have a trowel in your pocket.”

“No, I have a sandwich and a bar of chocolate, and neither will help right now… and I’ve not really had the need to carry one, cause unlike the Doc I don’t have infinite pockets, although they would be useful… you think she’ll make one if I ask for it?” Smiles Graham, looking up from the ground briefly.

Yaz smiles before turning to take a look around the field they’re currently stood in, hoping to find anything that could help them. Her eyes land on two thick looking sticks, she heads over and picks them up and grimaces slightly at the muddy, damp feeling to them. “We can use these Graham.” She waves them at him, spotting insects running across it and her grimace turns into a disgusted one.

Graham looks back up at her, his own face pulling a similar look but he extends his hand to her anyway, accepting it and standing back up. “I guess I won’t be eating that sandwich until I at least wash my hands then.” He grumbles for a moment before pushing the stick at the ground and disturbing it. “Don’t want to die from an illness from this time period.”

“Looks fresh.” Yaz pointed out, now joining him in removing the soil. “Like you said, whatever was buried here was done recently.”

Graham hums at her. “You know if the Doc were here, she would be putting that soil in her mouth and offering it to us to try like it was a five-course meal.”

“Oh, don’t remind me… I might have a crush on her but-” She looks up at Graham when he stops helping her and sees the smugness on his face. “You’re a crafty bastard Graham O’Brien, was this your plan all along distract me and get me to admit my feelings for her out loud?”

“To be fair Yaz, you ain’t subtle; you really aren’t… about as subtle as a brick to the face,” said Graham, shrugging once and then going back to help. “You admitted it now though, no going back, you’ll have to tell her or make a move.” He looks back up at her. “Don’t go asking me how to do that though cause I would suggest a cheesy pickup line… like the falling from the sky one, cause she technically did do that.”

They end up digging for a good twenty minutes or so after that, the summer sun beating down on their backs harshly before they finally manage to free the strange-looking gauntlets from the ground. The only thoughts going through her head during that time was how she would even begin to broach that subject with the Doctor. Graham’s voice pulls her from her inner monologue.

“Gauntlets?” frowned Graham. “I was expecting a weapon, like a gun.” He moves the pair of gauntlets through the air, shaking the loose soil off them and squinting when the sunshine glints off them. “Hardly seems like alien devices.” murmured Graham, looking down at them in wonder. “I think they’re just metal gauntlets Yaz if she sent us all this way for tat I’m gonna be-”

“She wouldn’t have sent us here for tat Graham.” interrupted Yaz. He gives her a dubious look that persists for a while. “Seriously, she wouldn’t have.”

Graham’s face turns from dubious to smug, and she really doesn’t think it suits him. “Of course you would say that Yaz,” said Graham now turning from her and throwing the dirty stick to the ground. “Come on; we probably should head back now.”

She glares at him through narrowed eyes. “That’s the last time I tell you anything Graham O’Brien if this is how you’re going to be.” She gives him a very light push and smiles at him when he gives her a really not at all innocent looking smirk. “I’m serious.” He nods and hums at her.

“Whatever you say Yaz.”

She turns away from him, and they walk in silence, comfortable and relaxed now. Birds sing through the hedges and trees surrounding them on their walk back, but her thoughts drift to the Doctor, she owes it to her at least. She needs to know about what she’s feeling and if she doesn’t share them, then at least she’ll know they can move past it all. If she does though, if Graham is right and she does share the same feelings, then surely it would be worth it for the possible heartache scenario where he’s wrong? Probably because she can’t carry on freezing when the amazing woman speaks to her.

“I spoke to some people, by the way, Yaz,” said Graham, suddenly and snapping her from her thoughts. “Not in person, but I phoned them when Ryan wasn’t around.”

“Who did you speak to?”

Graham doesn’t look at her as they continue their walk back. “Someone from a group for people like me, they invited me to come to one of their meetings, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted to… I don’t know, never felt the need to go but…” He shrugs. “It would be nice, I guess, to meet others like myself, but I was worried I would be the oldest there.”

Yaz glances at Graham, just seeing his expression before turning back again. “You should go, Graham, I could come with you if you wanted.”

“Ryan would ask what we’re doing.”

Now’s her time again. “You should tell him, Graham.”

Graham stops now and looks up to Yaz. “How would I attempt to do that? He doesn’t know, and like you did, he doesn’t suspect. I don’t have anything from my life before Grace… and my dad got rid of all my mum’s stuff, would it not just be easier not to say anything? I lived my life by not telling most people, surely the rest of it could go the same route.”

“I don’t have the answer to that Graham-”

“I thought so-”

“But-” Yaz cuts him off this time. “I’m not finished, Graham.” He shuts up and stares at her, eyes focused and face neutral. “Don’t you owe it to him to tell him? To show that you have the utmost trust in him that you’re willing to tell him something that only a few in your life have ever known, you don’t have to tell them, I know… but Graham, like myself, we both have people we need to speak to. People we need to be honest with, we owe them that much.”

Graham looks ahead again. “You’re going to tell her then?” Yaz nods at him, and he breathes out. “If you tell the Doc how you feel, I’ll tell Ryan about myself.” He frowns. “What do you kids call it nowadays? Coming out?” There’s a brief smile on his face, but she can see the nervousness under it.

“You know Ryan isn’t like Izzy, Graham…”

Graham shakes his head. “I know, but I grew up in a time where telling someone or showing affection for a man would more than likely result in a kick in and that you don’t unlearn love.”

The tone in his voice concerns her, drastically. “Graham are you telling me-”

His look, his expression directed at her explains everything. He doesn’t need to say what she knows. “The Eighties really sucked then.”

He snorts in tight laughter. “That’s mildly putting it, but yeah, they did. Good riddance, I say, the only decent thing to come from them was the music, can’t beat a bit of ABBA, probably should ask the Doc to take us to a concert, good team bonding and less of the chance of things trying to kill us.”

“That’ll be great.”

They turn and proceed onwards, now coming up to where they were supposed to meet back up again and their eyes each land on the two people they both need to have a conversation with. Graham glances at Yaz again. “We tell them, but not together, but we do it, yeah?”

Yaz looks back at him and nods. “We owe them that much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't promise when I'll update but I have so many WIPS on the go that I'm gonna cry.


End file.
